Puff

Swollen.  And I’m not talking about my belly.  Hands, feet and  a little in the face.  And that’s how I concluded Week 36.  I had so much swelling that came on suddenly, I called my Dr. and asked her if she thought it could potentially be pre-eclampsia.  (If you don’t know what it is, and are interested, you can read up on it here.)  The main symptom is high blood pressure.  She told me to go to the ‘Labor and Delivery Deptartment’ at the hospital to check my blood pressure and urine for protein.

OK, I thought, no biggie.  I’ll be in and out of the hospital quickly.  It’s JUST a blood pressure and urine check.  I do it every week at my Dr.’s office and it takes them just 5 minutes.  NOT at the hospital.  Oh no.  They can’t just take my blood pressure to see if I have pre-eclampsia.  They first have to do a little song and dance.

First, I had to be “admitted”, which basically means filling out a chart on me and making sure I have insurance to pay for my visit.  This alone took 25 minutes because the nurse that started to fill out the chart, got called away to do something else leaving me to sit there alone doing nothing.  Umm… there’s a blood pressure cuff sitting RIGHT there.  Three feet from me.  Do you want me to just take my blood pressure myself?  Anyone?  Bueller?

Before that nurse ever came back, the admin office called to one of the rooms to talk with me and verify my insurance information.  However, since my nurse never came back to finish my chart, I wasn’t moved into the room yet to take the call.  But at least that phone call got a nurse to find me and put me in the room.  Now we’re making progress?

Then another nurse came in and asked me some questions and told me to put on the hospital gown.  I’m like “Umm, can someone just take my blood pressure?  Because that’s mainly what I’m here for and if I DO have it, we should probably know now, not an hour from now.”  OK, I didn’t actually smart mouth it quite like that, but I should have.   She told me “We have to wait for Dr.’s orders.”  What?  For a blood pressure check?  You have to be kidding!  Blood pressure checks are routine for visits!  Everyone gets one.   They hand them out like candy!  I can even go get my fix from Rite-Aid, Walgreens, some dude off the street!

Meanwhile, they hooked me up to a monitor to see if I was having any contractions and know the baby’s heart rate.  Really?  So, you DON’T need a Dr.’s order to do that?  But you can’t put a blood pressure cuff on me until you get OFFICIAL ORDERS?  WHO IS RUNNING THIS PLACE?

Finally another nurse came in the room.  She started to fill out a new chart.  I had to tell her that there already was a half of a chart on me floating around somewhere, so she left to go find it.

In the meantime, if my blood pressure WASN’T elevated before, it is NOW!  And if my blood pressure IS high, and I do have pre-eclampsia, no one knows because this song and dance number is taking FOREVER.

Then another nurse sent me to the bathroom so I could give her a urine sample.  She had me pee in a dixie cup.  A DIXIE CUP.  Umm, are you sure you don’t want me to use one of the sterile urine cups sitting next to the dixie cups?  Nope.  She says the dixie cup is fine.  What a WEIRDO.  Does she really work here?  Or did she slip in the back door, steal some scrubs and is here to mess with patients?  I peed in the dixie cup and noticed she had tried to scribble my name on it, but it didn’t work so you could just barely make out the letter “K”.  Scary.

After all was said and done, everything was fine.  Blood pressure was still around 102/64 and there was no protein found in my urine.  And it only took about 2 hours.  2 HOURS!  For a blood pressure check and a urine sample.  Can we get a reform on THAT?