You know those news teasers that pop up in between commercials and TV shows?  The ones where they give you just a little blip on something shocking to try and get you to tune in later. I love the ones that are ‘life and death’ situations, and even THEN they don’t give you the information. You have to “tune in at 11pm” to find out.

“A popular cereal just found to contain poison. Is it the cereal in YOUR cupboard?  Tune in at 11 and find out.“

Oh GREAT.  Now I have to watch the news tonight otherwise I won’t know whether or not I can eat my bowl of cereal in the morning!  And what about the guy who’s actually eating a bowl of cereal WHILE the news teaser comes on?  What’s HE supposed to do now?

The other night there were two sad, hilarious news teasers on ABC here in Los Angeles.  One showed a woman pole dancing in a skimpy outfit with the voice over, “Pole dancing, an Olympic sport?  A move to make it happen at 11.” and next was “Osama Bin Laden.  Porn lover?  Weapons weren’t the only thing he was hiding.  At 11.”

First of all, WHO CARES?  Second, THIS is what works to get people to tune in?  I’m scared, saddened, disappointed and give up hope for mankind.  Third, IT’S OSAMA BIN F-ING LADEN!  Yes, of course he was into porn.  I could have told you that.  How are either of these news stories?  I already don’t watch the news, but now I really, REALLY won’t watch the news.  If that’s possible.  To watch the news less than never.

I’ll stick to Jon Stewart, The Colbert Report and SNL’s Weekend Update, thank you very much.