I don’t usually watch sports, but happened to turn on the TV and catch this. Bahrami is having so much fun, it makes me want to pick up a racquet. Be sure to turn your volume up so you can hear him. He’s the guy in your lower left.
I took a gig working as Angelina Jolie’s double in a couple of films and for years it’s been a story of interest with the entertainment gossip shows and magazines. It’s hilarious to me that anyone ever cared about it and on Monday I got a text, then phone calls and emails that someone was once again running a story on it.
I starred in “Sophie Chase” which was nominated for an Emmy. But does that trump Angie? Nope. Everyone just wants to know about Brad and Angie.
For a good laugh, here’s what ran on Monday. I love it when they say “She plays some of Angelina’s body parts”. What? Like, I play her elbow? I should put that on my resume. My best role was when I portrayed Angie’s arm.
And the ending is the best “Now when Anglina and Brad make another movie together, maybe these two can meet.” Hilarious.
There is a lot of unsolicited advice thrown at you when you have a newborn. It starts when you are pregnant and seems like it just might continue on until the kids are 18. Or maybe forever.
The BAD thing with all this free advice, is what works for one person, may not work for YOU. Such as, whoever told me to pump in between feedings, is FIRED!
The GREAT thing about all this free advice, is that SOME of it WILL work. Such as the woman who told me to try pumping WHILE breastfeeding. Bingo!
You see, the first time I turned on the pump and put those alien looking contraptions on my boobs, I was afraid. Afraid they were going to rip my nipples right off. Or worse, suck the whole boob down it’s tube. (I warned you about all the boob talk).
I followed all the directions in the booklet, reading it three times and sterilizing everything in boiling water like it said. I placed the alien contraptions on my boobs and turned the dial up to 1. OUCH! It hurt! I sat there with this pump pulling my boob like a cow, the grinding sound of the machine adding to the horror and thinking, THIS is definitely one of THE most ridiculous things I’ve ever done. How ridiculous did I look sitting there with my shirt off, holding 2 plastic alien contraptions to my boobs, hooked up to a machine? (No, there will be no pictures of this.) And after about 10 minutes of this ridiculous, self inclicted pain, all I got was ONE drop. ONE DROP!! Great, $250 down the drain.
I was sure I must have done something wrong. But what? I made a “pump session” appointment at a cute, local baby store. I can’t believe “pump sessions” exist, but this told me I wasn’t alone. Others had sought help on these ridiculous alien contraptions too. Another $50 later, all she said was that I’d done everything right, it just takes some women longer than 10 minutes to get the milk flowing.
Well, she was partly right. I later found that a way to get the milk flowing, is to trick the body into thinking it’s a BABY pumping for that milk, NOT a plastic alien. “Have a picture of your baby with you. Visualize him on your breast.”
Well, even better than a picture of my baby, was to put my baby on one boob, and the plastic alien on the other. It worked like a charm! One measly drop turned into 4.5 ounces. So I guess it sort of works for us women like it does the guys when it comes to pumping out any donations. We just need a magazine of half naked babies.
So if the CALL OF DUTY guy and the girl who played WONDER WOMAN in Grayson hooked up and had a son, would he grow up to be… a superhero? We’ll let you know.
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I wish I was a lawyer. I’ve said that many times. I hear of an injustice or experience one myself, and wish I had the power, the means, to take down the bastards that are doing wrong and make everything right, fair, just.
Recently someone suggested I watch “Damages” about Patty Hewes, a high stakes, hot shot lawyer, played by Glenn Close. I rarely watch TV and when I do it’s usually comedies since one hour dramas tend to bore me with their slow pace and predictable outcomes. But, lately with all the time I spend feeding Max, I decided TV was pretty much the only thing I could do during that time that didn’t require me to move or use my hands, so I gave it a shot.
I watched Season 1, Episode 1, and I was IN. One complaint about hollywood is the lack of strong female roles. Oh sure, I know, there’s always the “hooker with a heart of gold” (insert eye roll here). But, there’s also a lack of cool lines said by women. Think of all the good one liners said by men, like “Yippie Ki Yay M*therF**ker” and “Go ahead, make my day” or “I’ll be back”. Wait, no–I take it back–skip that last one.
So I am thrilled to watch Glenn Close play an extremely strong role AND she has several great lines to boot. In the first episode, my favorite scene was when Patty Hewes (Glenn Close) pisses off an opposing lawyer.
He says, “Patty, if you were a man I’d kick the living dog-shit out of you.”
She shoots back with a smile, “And if you were a man, I’d be worried.”
Delicious.
For those of you who haven’t seen the show, here’s a taste of Patty Hewes:
